Monthly Archives: September 2015

4 Tips to Boost Your Marriage!

I fell this morning while on my walk/run.  I was slowing down from my run to begin walking, when all of a sudden, the sidewalk jumped up and stopped my toe, dead in its tracks, which sent me sprawling to the ground.  I hit the ground and rolled over onto my back – looking up at the stars in the early morning sky, I assured myself that I had, in fact, lived this stupid dream.

 My husband helped me up with a nonchalant, “You ok?”  After murmuring my affirmation that I wasn’t dead or anything, we set off on the rest of our walk.  I must admit to being a little sore that he wasn’t just a little more concerned about me than that.  Expectations, ya know. It is expectations that get us in trouble.  I expected more from him; I didn’t receive it, and my feelings were hurt.  What was I thinking?

 Don’t get me wrong – I am not talking about my husband’s lack of caring, because he does care.  I’m talking about my expectations that led to becoming disgruntled.  Marriage is difficult and we make it harder on ourselves with expectations of the other person that go unfulfilled, which leads to disappointment and hurt. Marriage calls for heroic perseverance if you wish to remain together.  Although, it’s not rocket science, it can take you to the outer limits, if you work at it as if it is rocket science!

 A friend of mine asked me one time if I could accept my husband as he was without wishing for him to change.  That caused me to ponder.  It’s a difficult question, because I want him to grow and become a better version of himself.  So, I have a hard time believing that I totally accept him if he remained the same.  I guess that sounds kind of bad, but I want more for him. I would want him to want the same for me.

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 I believe that one of the keys to marriage is not having the right partner, but being the right partner!

  • MAKE YOURSELF LOVEABLE – That means be kind to your spouse.  Lift up your spouse and put them on that pedestal.  If both parties could do that for one another, then they would both have the understanding that no one could treat them any better.  Pay attention to what the other one might want from you, and give that to them.  It might take a little imagination, but it’ll be worth it! 😉
  • DON’T TAKE THE RELATIONSHIP FOR GRANTED – We all fall into routines and become content with one another.  However, if we begin feeling as though our spouse has nowhere to go, besides with us, then we stop trying so hard and begin taking the relationship for granted.  No one wants to be taken for granted.
  • TREAT YOUR SPOUSE AS YOU WISH TO BE TREATED – This does not mean – treat your spouse nicely so that you’ll be treated nicely.  If the two of you are making the effort to treat one another as you would like to be treated, then how would you not get along with one another with consistency?  Give without counting costs nor the paybacks, and you are sure to have a satisfying marriage.
  • STOP THE UNFAIR EXPECTATIONS – Expectations, when go unfulfilled, will cause disappointment.  Expectations that go fulfilled are bonuses, but are easily forgotten in light of one unfulfilled expectation.

 Couples are giving up too easily and divorce lawyers are busier than ever.  My husband and I have been married almost 30 years, over half of my life!  Some years were good; some were better and yet others…..not so great.  But I’m an eternal optimist and I always believe that the best years are yet to come! 🙂

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Why DO You DO That?

Is your spouse the kind that can walk into the house after you’ve just cleaned from top to bottom and point out the one thing that is out of place?  Or do you have a child that you need a cattle prod to get him moving?  How about a moody, gloomy, suck the life out of the room sister; or a cheerleader that is always bouncing off the walls?

Well, I promise, these people you know, or are related to, are not that way just to drive you crazy!  This is simply the way they were hard-wired.  We were all born with a prominent temperament and often we have a secondary temperament thrown in there for confusion’s sake.

There are four temperaments:

THE CHOLERIC:  Detail oriented, an all business, go-getter, get it done kind of person.

THE SANGUINE:  Very excitable, life of the party, and at times can be a bit flighty headed.

THE MELANCHOLIC:  Also detail oriented, perfectionist to a fault.  Holds onto past transgressions against him, quick to point out the negative and how the rules are not being followed.

THE PHLEGMATIC:  Easy going, laid back, head in the clouds, but a very peaceful human being.

The way to determine which temperament you are is to understand your reactions to situations.

When being pulled over and receiving a ticket for speeding:

THE CHOLERIC will ask for  the facts and argue his way out of the ticket before the police officer even realizes he’s done it.

THE SANGUINE will compliment the officer and try to find a connection to his name.  When given the ticket, she is liable to thank him and gush a little that he gave her a prize!

THE MELANCHOLIC will ask for all the details of what speed was posted and exactly where the sign is posted.  They are then likely to ask the exact speed at which they were clocked, while taking notes.  They would then worry about it and talk about it for months.

THE PHLEGMATIC will take the ticket and not realize exactly why he received it.  He will then put it in the glove compartment and is likely to forget it all together until he gets a notice from the court.

How many people did you think about while reading these reactions?  We all know people that fall into these categories!

When there is a combination of temperaments, they are typically the variations of choleric/melancholic and the sanguine/phlegmatic. 

  • The choleric/melancholic is the entrepreneur that worries constantly because the melancholic in him is  fearful of stretching himself.  Unless he is a melancholic/choleric, then he is usually an engineer or mathematician.  He worries about everything, but he makes a good living.
  • The sanguine/phlegmatic is excited for the plans that she’s made but is secretly hoping they get cancelled so she can just stay home.  The phlegmatic/sanguine is great for last minute parties and is easy to entertain others in her home, but she would have likely forgotten to pick up the key ingredients for the dish she was going to serve.

The rare and one of the most powerful combination is the choleric/sanguine or the sanguine/choleric.   They are quick to volunteer and they don’t feel badly about delegating tasks to the melancholic.

The melancholic/phlegmatic or phlegmatic/melancholic will get any job done and it will be done with detail, but the melancholic will worry over the details and the phlegmatic will just desire to have the whole thing behind her so she can go home.

Do you see yourself or a loved one in any of these descriptions?  Once you’ve realized which temperament a person is, communication becomes an easier feat because you know how to tailor a conversation to have them react favorably to your objective.  Do you have a story about a particular temperament that you could share? 

Thank you for reading!  Please leave a comment; I would love to know what you think!

 

 

Why is Perfect Always Out of Reach?

My husband and I did a stupid thing this weekend. We went to look at a house that we have no chance in hades to be able to afford. Although, we had no idea before looking at it that it would be that much.  However, the property was P-E-R-F-E-C-T – PERFECT!!

Well, by perfect, I mean that I fell in love with it; and it didn’t matter that the windows need to be replaced and that the front door didn’t seal very well. I didn’t notice that I would have half the cabinets than I have in my house now. All I noticed was that it was all on one level. It had a formal dining room, along with an eat in kitchen. It also had a formal living room and a sunroom in the back, and a killer shower in the master bath!  I’m telling you, it was perfect.

However, the tag attached to it was well over $300,000 and way out of our price range. The ads on this website aren’t doing THAT well!  😉

Why do we do this to ourselves? You know, put ourselves in a position to want something we’ve got no way of being able to obtain.  I guess not everyone does it, but I feel like there is a great many that do.

I think there are a couple of reasons that we place ourselves in a situation to spur on frustration….

We are ready for a change.
Our lives have reached a point that we need something new, but we’re not sure we can put our finger on it. We are willing to see if we could wish our way out of current frustrations by giving ourselves something so out of reach that magically our present situation will somehow feel better to us.  Seriously, what kind of thinking is that?!

We need a dream.
When we don’t have something that we are working toward then our lives become stagnate and we don’t feel our purpose. When our ambition grows stale it sure makes it difficult to get up and turn off the alarm on Monday morning.

I think by looking at something completely out of reach, it triggers the dream factor in our ‘psychy’ to be so turned on by what we can not attain, that we begin searching for that dream that can be obtained.

Setting goals is a way to keep us working and moving forward with some type of excited anticipation.  The thing is, we should all enjoy the journey – just be certain that we have a destination that requires a journey worth enjoying!  And try to stay within your price range….  😉

6 Ways Art Imitates Life

Years ago, I bought a pretty nice camera, but never did learn to use it very well.  Apparently, the thief that broke into my house either knew how to use it – or could find someone who could use it!  Regardless, I bought another camera with the insurance money in hopes that I would get the hang of it.  It is a Cannon Power Shot.  However, again, sadly, this camera has been in a drawer right after it was purchased.  I have even bought a smaller Cannon that was not as bulky.   Since acquiring Smartphones, these cameras have been pushed aside for the convenience of the camera phone!
We had an event in the family over the Labor Day Weekend, so I decided to give photography another shot!  Pun intended!  I retrieved both of my cameras from their resting places to take with us.  I thought it would be a good opportunity to see what I could do with them.  Hence, I set about snapping the lens!
I may not have a talent there, but I can learn and I did get some really good photos.  If only I could learn to share them with the family in the cloud…ugh!                100_0747
Getting home from our trip, I went about loading up the photos, which went well.  And as I was editing them, it all became clear to me.  Life is much like photography…..as we go through life we make our mistakes and they show through the negatives, but allowed to develop and edit, we can make all things new!
  1. Interesting things can be done with lighting.  Instead of letting the light shine upon the negative on the photo, we dim the lighting and heighten the color on the positive!  Once we see the negative in our own lives, if we dim the light on those, and leave them in the dark, oftentimes, the positives will brighten on their own in our perspective!
  2. There will always be slight imperfections in the subjects of our photos, as with our own lives.  The key is catching the faults and doing the touch-up work required to fix them!  Before you know it, those flaws can all be part of the past!
  3. The evil red look in one’s eyes can be moved to light when given the proper attention and the time to devote to it.  Sometimes the picture is perfect, except for the look in the eye.  They say that the eye is the window to the soul…..hmmm….perhaps there is pain, hurt, or heartache.  With loving attention, that look can be swept away to brighter sights!
  4. When all of the unnecessary scenery is cropped away, the viewer can then focus on what is really important.  Often, that is the same way with our lives!
  5. When a splash of color is enhanced then the positive qualities can become almost 3D!  It is in the magnetizing of the color that the bland and the dismal begins to shrink from view!
  6. Every once in a while, you can change the background, bringing forth a sparkle in the eye in a way that the same old scenery just can’t obtain.  We all need a change of scenery from time to time!
I might never be a master picture taker, however, I can concentrate on becoming an excellent editor.  If I can do that in life, as well as my photographs, then for what more could I ask?!

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Have You Ever Dreamed of Something Different?

Have you ever had a place have a hold on your heart like no other place in the world? No matter where I go, I always return to the city I love most in the world, Owensboro, Kentucky. It’s a big, little town and it’s just the right size for me. It just recently handed the title of 3rd largest city in Kentucky over to Bowling Green. However, I don’t think it’ll be a title that Bowling Green will hold for long.

Owensboro is a beautiful city and they are always improving. It is built along side the Ohio River in Western Kentucky. Originally called Yellow Banks, founded by William Smeathers around 1790. It later became Owensborough in honor of Col. Abraham Owen, then shortened to Owensboro.

One claim to fame Owensboro sports is being considered the Barbecue Capital of the World. Visitors from all over the world have dropped in to try the barbecue. President’s have stopped on the trail to indulge in the hickory smoked pork, mutton and chicken! Makes my mouth begin to water just thinking about it. On any given Saturday during the summer, the air is filled with church picnics ‘sopping’ the roasting meat with the traditional barbecue sauce of the recipe passed down from generation to generation.

The second weekend in May, every year, the city opens up a competition for the best church barbecue of pork, mutton, chicken and burgoo. All of the Catholic Churches in the area set up their pits in the streets of downtown, and the fires are lit. Judging takes place about 4:00 – 6:00 on Saturday night, but get there early because when they start selling, the lines can get pretty long! Oh – just fyi – for those who might not know – mutton is baby lamb and whether it’s chopped or sliced, as long as it’s barbecued it’s delicious!

The riverfront is an attraction that is gaining popularity. Three open air venues next to the river brings forth music of all different types. This doesn’t include the auditoriums that are within the walls of the Riverpark Center. Built right on the riverbank gives a view when the sun is going down that is as picturesque as a Norman Rockwell painting! Friday night will find kids running around the playgrounds, older folks walking hand in hand, sitting on the many swings looking out to the river, or young adults listening to music and mingling. With the kettle corn being swirled and the DOTS ice cream being scooped, it has a feel that can be likened to Mayberry! Warms my heart thinking about the community enjoying what the city has provided.

Sprinkled throughout the city are the sports parks for your choice of softball, baseball, soccer, along with the Sportcenter for basketball and the Ice Rink for that first date! Hiking trails and biking trails are easy to come by at Ben Hawes, along with the soap box derby track where they host a soap box derby once a year.

There are festivals year around, mainly focusing on the music that surrounds the area. From the Bluegrass Festival to the Owensboro Symphony, you have plenty from which to choose! I can’t forget to mention the Owensboro Museum of Fine Arts. Beautiful displays of historical and modern art fill the halls!

Clearly, I could go on and on with the accolades of what Owensboro has to offer, whether you’re a visitor or a resident. I am most proud of the riverfront. It’s not only beautiful, it is state of the art. However, it doesn’t matter if you’re driving down through the Azalea Trail, down by the river or out to the country, the air has the power to heal what ails ya.

I hope that you have a place that holds your heart like Owensboro has mine. People have commented about not knowing anyone that loves a place as much as I do. I can’t help it……. I do LOVE my hometown!