I fell this morning while on my walk/run. I was slowing down from my run to begin walking, when all of a sudden, the sidewalk jumped up and stopped my toe, dead in its tracks, which sent me sprawling to the ground. I hit the ground and rolled over onto my back – looking up at the stars in the early morning sky, I assured myself that I had, in fact, lived this stupid dream.
My husband helped me up with a nonchalant, “You ok?” After murmuring my affirmation that I wasn’t dead or anything, we set off on the rest of our walk. I must admit to being a little sore that he wasn’t just a little more concerned about me than that. Expectations, ya know. It is expectations that get us in trouble. I expected more from him; I didn’t receive it, and my feelings were hurt. What was I thinking?
Don’t get me wrong – I am not talking about my husband’s lack of caring, because he does care. I’m talking about my expectations that led to becoming disgruntled. Marriage is difficult and we make it harder on ourselves with expectations of the other person that go unfulfilled, which leads to disappointment and hurt. Marriage calls for heroic perseverance if you wish to remain together. Although, it’s not rocket science, it can take you to the outer limits, if you work at it as if it is rocket science!
A friend of mine asked me one time if I could accept my husband as he was without wishing for him to change. That caused me to ponder. It’s a difficult question, because I want him to grow and become a better version of himself. So, I have a hard time believing that I totally accept him if he remained the same. I guess that sounds kind of bad, but I want more for him. I would want him to want the same for me.
I believe that one of the keys to marriage is not having the right partner, but being the right partner!
- MAKE YOURSELF LOVEABLE – That means be kind to your spouse. Lift up your spouse and put them on that pedestal. If both parties could do that for one another, then they would both have the understanding that no one could treat them any better. Pay attention to what the other one might want from you, and give that to them. It might take a little imagination, but it’ll be worth it! 😉
- DON’T TAKE THE RELATIONSHIP FOR GRANTED – We all fall into routines and become content with one another. However, if we begin feeling as though our spouse has nowhere to go, besides with us, then we stop trying so hard and begin taking the relationship for granted. No one wants to be taken for granted.
- TREAT YOUR SPOUSE AS YOU WISH TO BE TREATED – This does not mean – treat your spouse nicely so that you’ll be treated nicely. If the two of you are making the effort to treat one another as you would like to be treated, then how would you not get along with one another with consistency? Give without counting costs nor the paybacks, and you are sure to have a satisfying marriage.
- STOP THE UNFAIR EXPECTATIONS – Expectations, when go unfulfilled, will cause disappointment. Expectations that go fulfilled are bonuses, but are easily forgotten in light of one unfulfilled expectation.
Couples are giving up too easily and divorce lawyers are busier than ever. My husband and I have been married almost 30 years, over half of my life! Some years were good; some were better and yet others…..not so great. But I’m an eternal optimist and I always believe that the best years are yet to come! 🙂